Funny jokes that will make you smile till you forget your surname

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1. One *spelling mistake* and a husband cannot go home...


He wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and missed an *e* in the last word.


He's now seeking police protection to enter his own house.

 

He wrote:


"Hi *Darling*, I'm experiencing the best time of my life and I wish you were *her*."

Say you have woke up?

Good morning 

2. *Some parents want their daughters to get married but don't allow them to go out. What do they expect them to do? Sit at home and download the husband?*hmmmmmm*

3. When a woman cries for a man after a break up, it means she truly loves him, but when a man cries for a woman after a break up it means he hasn’t slept with her yet🤣🤣🤣*Experience nor go KILL me self,

4. Have you ever eat food that taste so good at the funeral that you even think of standing up and say.....next week,same time,same place😂😂😂😂

5. I have a girlfriend who is a police officer. When she misses me, she just come to my house in uniform and arrest me in presence of my wife and take me to her home till the next day.


Then she bring me back and tell my wife “we are not done with investigations yet. I shall pick him up anytime we want more from him“


And my innocent wife will always say: 'madam officer, God bless you for handling my husband's case with care I will make sure he is always available anytime you need him''. Share and enjoy your day as you put smile on somebody's face also.

6. *Telling a guy you got a boyfriend won't make him leave you alone....ask for money and he'll stop messaging you !*

 

🤣🤣7. Some parents are very funny.. They will put "BEWARE OF DOGs" in front of their house especially when their daughter is 18_22yrs of age. But when the daughter is 30yrs, and not yet married, they will now change it to "YOU CAN GET YOUR ICE BLOCK HERE"....

8. If Our Female Lectures Will Always Demand For SEX Before Dey pass Male Students, We will have lesser Guys inside d market cos everybody must go to skul wit dat strategy..

9. That awkward moment in hospital wen u see A mosquito coming out from the HIV Ward Toward u .Jaa paa 

............. 

Please Girls With Flat Ass Stop turning When taking Photos What are you Trying to Show us? Your Back or Your Shoulder

............... 

*Nothing makes a guy happier than when a girl says, "go and lock the door first"* 

  *You jump like Chelsea's manager Conte! In celebration.*

..................

*​Stupidity is when u feel headache and instead of buying Panadol,you use the money to buy airtym and log in to facebook and post "Am feeling headache"with 57 others just to get comments like "get well soon","sorry baby",,your foolishness is beyond repair I wish Judas sold people like you*

............ 

Husband to Wife: Did you have any boyfriend before our marriage?

Wife stays silent for a bit ……

Husband wondering: why you silent....??

Wife : just let me count darling ... 

................. 

One day when I finally enter plane, I will just sneak through the back door and escape to heaven jejely ...

................. 

Guys are using drugs to  enlarge their *Dick*, whiles ladies are using drugs to tighten their *Pussy..*


*Confused Generation* 

................ 

*you will meet a girl and ask for her number and she will be like "I have a boyfriend" as if u also dont have a gf*

.............

*Even if u drop an igbo girl at the front of her gate she will still ask of transport money*

................. 

The only time women don't see clearly is when

dey catch their man in bed wit another woman.

They be like

"OMG! WHAT AM I SEEING?"

................... 

READ ALSO ==> The most funniest Africa jokes

History will never forget Great Queen Aminah of Zaria who led men to war. .

Girls of nowadays only lead men to shoprite and ise iwu joint

.................. 

If u r in a taxi and then a lady smiles at u,my brother don't smile back until she pays her fare....

life is neva that easy

Protect ur wallet

10. Relationship💑 stress can make you call📞 MTN costumer care to ask them why🤷 your Man Switched off his Phone


11.After a funeral.

Americans: what a great lost.

Nigerians: Salt no even they for their Jellof rice

12. Dear Ex whenever I remember🤔 the day I met you, I always wished I stayed back 

home cooking🍲 Beans with Candle🕯.


13. My sister you own nobody a tight Pussy,

let whoever can't swim🏊 drown..

It's called survival🤗 of the Fittest


14 Guys please stop giving your 

Girlfriends your 

phone, them they block us...


15.  I'm sure most of you that read🤳 my posts ask yourself

"Who is this Guy Self"?

The truth is that, Even me I don't know🤷 myself

16. *Virginity is like a balloon one prick and its gone for ever. Sex is like a pack of chips once you start yuh can't stop. Exam paper is like a dick, when it gets hard u are fucked. Education is like a prostitute it needs both ur money and ur hard work. Success is like masturbating, only ur own hand can let u achieve it. So basically life is pornography!!

17.  After having sex with a fat lady;

Me:Your jacket its on the floor,

Her:No my love, that's not my jacket, that's my pantie

18.  Girls are never single,dump her now, 3 hours later she will be in a 5 months old relationship......

19.THE lady i trained at THE University just graduated this year, but she gave me a shocking news yesterday that am trying to recover from it since then. 

I told her that I want to come and see her parents for our marriage plans but she said that she is sorry to let me know that marriage is not friendship that she don't think that WE can make good husband and wife. 

When i reminded her of the money i have spent on her, She told me that GOD will reward me with a good wife and she promise to train one of my daughter just to let me know that she is not an ingrate. 


House please what DO i do? Because am short of words even to discus it with my family who have been warning me to be careful how i spend on her during her University days no is not easy for me. 

Please you people should advice me as a brother.

20.A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Tumelo isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Tumelo says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Tumelo says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Tumelo asks the teacher,

"If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream."

Tumelo says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

21. Armed robbers broke into an husband and wife's house and robbed them of their money. Then, the armed robbers leader said: I will have to kill both of you, but tell me your names before I kill you.

Wife: My name is Mary.

Armed robber replied: Oh shit! My mom name is Mary, So I can't kill Mary.

"What's your name?" he asked the husband.

Husband: My name is James but my friends call me Mary, hmmm

22.  *A drunkard woke up one morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night. He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight. He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall. He smashed the first bottle swearing... "You are the reason I fight with my wife!" He smashed the second bottle... "You are the reason I don't love my children!" He smashed the third bottle.... "You are the reason I don't have a decent job!"... When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed, full and cold. He hesitated for a moment and said... "You stand aside, I know you were not involved!"*


🤣🤣🤣🤣

Chinsos..

I can't laugh normal again oo.. Rather am laughing as if am abnormal..

This man isn't serious at all... 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

23. Makeup Wahala !!!!!!

A newly Married Man on d second day of His Marriage visited d Makeup Artist who Worked on His Wife on d Wedding Day. He presented a Gift to Her, a Beautifully packed iphone 7 plus Box.

D make up Artist was overwhelmed with Joy and went on Her Knees greeting d Man. She then opened d Box with great Happiness but was suddenly Depressed to see a Nokia 3310 inside d Box.

D Man now Smiled and said "this is exactly d same Feeling I had when I saw My Wife last Night after She had Her Bath"

Scores settled 1-1

Do you love this jokes? If yes! Always come here to laugh.

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